For Nancy Adwar

There are so many words that you could use to describe when you don’t have any control over a situation but the only one that comes to mind is, ‘helpless’.
A little while ago, my friend lost someone that meant the world to them and when I found out, I dint know what to say, wait, I did, and I thought to myself, “I am so sorry” but what would that do to or for them?
I lost my mom 16 years ago and I was 10 years old; I thought my world had ended and I dint want anyone near me, I basically hated everyone, God was right on top of that list because my young mind dint think that it was fair of Him to take the center of my world away, I thought that He loved people and that He wouldn’t do anything to hurt people’s moms because they did all the work for Him, here on Earth, like they were His angels, but for here, not up there.
Now, am crying while I write this [and my vision is getting so blurred by tears I have to breathe and sniff just so I can go on writing] and even though it was that long ago and I accepted the way things are, I still feel like it should not be like that, coz it is so hard when you lose someone and for a while it seems as if your whole world has come to a complete stand still.
I totally get this feeling but it doesn’t mean I ever know what someone else is feeling, no, when you lose someone, it a different pain altogether , it’s a personal pain, deep inside you and nothing anyone can say could ever take it away.
So I think I think about my friend and I think of what he is going through, what his family is going through, and I can’t begin to comprehend, all I think is, I hope they are strong together and that they will take this to make them as a family and their love for each other even stronger.
Nancy Adwar, I did not know you, but I know someone who thought and still thinks the world of you; this is for you, from your friends, your family and from me, who never knew you but I love them, and in essence, that brings you into the equation:


Never a dull moment while you were around
Always had us in stitches and smiling just coz you did too
Now that you are gone, it doesn’t change, we are still smiling
Coz you live on in our hearts where it matters most
You, my dear, have gone up to Him; down here, we miss and love you still.