There’s a guy I know who would like a woman to marry and I am happy for him, but his comes with other constraints; she has to know how to cook and every day after work, he wants to get home and find her cooking in the kitchen, wants her to not go out and drink, better yet, not drink at all; she has to be with him [or want to be] when he is watching footie, not really a career woman…..
I looked at this guy and all I could think was, “Really? Do those actually exist? Or do you have to have one custom made?”
I have views on the whole marriage issue and mine might be jaded by the fact that almost all the people I know aren’t [haven’t been] in very good ones and I am yet to get convinced to try and wrap my head around the idea of my being in one. But I still think that a marriage is like a contract and there is a whole lot of give and take and the demands that this guy was putting across were basically unachievable.
Look at it this way, you meet me at the bar, am sipping on my drink, and you want to talk with me, the most probable scenario that would play out would be you asking to buy me a drink and if I accept, then it is basically an opening for a conversation, hopefully not shouted into my ear coz it’s so loud in the pub and me being reduced to smiling and nodding to what you are saying even though I can barely hear a word!
So we met in the pub and despite the noise, we agree we like each other, several other pub visits and we start going out and a few months/years later, we are hitched, would you really expect that I will not drink or want to go to the pub? Well, that is being a tad bit ambitious on your part coz I will also not expect you to put your balls in my purse either….savvy?
We look at relationships and marriage, which is technically a relationship, like it should change everything but I think it should be on the contrary. Just because we are into the marriage/relationship doesn’t mean you still can’t buy me flowers or that I can’t give you a massage before you sleep or that we can’t go out and have fun with other people around us… I know I will get bored if all I see is you. The one thing i believe in is that just because we are now together, doesn’t mean that I don’t have a life other than with you, I still have friends and family that I will want to see and sometimes, I will want to be with just me to read a book, get a mani-/pedi -treatment, just be me; and you as the person I have chosen to be with should be able to understand that.
Most women now, are career women and it would take a very strong woman to decide to leave her career to just cater to you; first coz its bloody boring and then there’s the subject of impracticality, seeing as most households need two incomes to get through, life is expensive and even though most men will want to take care of the family, well, you, sir, are only one man and you can only do so much.
I appreciate the machismo and to some extent, admire it, but hey, sweetie, no one expects you to be more than you can be, least of all me (yaani, your significant other). Given, there are those women who expect the man to do everything, but practically, you will come in at some point, maybe to buy tomatoes or a matchbox, but you will still contribute in some way to the running of things.
If and when I am in a relationship, I like feeling like we are almost equal or at par but I am practical enough to allow him the privilege to keep his balls and pay the bills and treat me like a damsel in distress once in a while, but I have never, even once thought that I could leave my career for you, even if you are Trump, I still want to feel like I have something to call my own.
You take away my “things” I will also want to take away yours, I quit my job, then I want you to stop watching footie with the boys not unless its in the house, basically, its detrimental to both of us. Keep what you love, I will keep what I love then we can both love each other and not the image we want to have of the other person.
Shae out to get some lurvin’!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Of Relationships or Lack There of
I read someone's tweet and she said that all ugly whores [spelt “hoes”] have sex on the first date and I thought, no, even pretty women have been known to do this. This got me thinking and I came to the conclusion that the first date determines your relationship with a person [did that make me sound learned and like I knew what I was on about?]
When I was younger, way younger, and I had a boy [adorable how I called them that, 'boy'] ask me to kiss him, I would, and did, write the poor tyke a very long list of reasons why we shouldn't engage in such behavior; I actually believed that kissing was a behavior...aaaahhh to be young and naïve again.
Back then, I, honestly, believed that “purity” counted and I held on to that till I was about 20 and then I discovered sex and we all know how it goes from there. I am no super woman and I did hold on to my innocence as long as I could, but, hey.... [If you don't then you shouldn't be reading this, it has a PG rating on it.]
On the same note, is everyone's “first time” a disappointment or was that just me? But the second time sort of made up for it. Enough about that..
Nowadays, all that belief in saving “it” for that special person seems to have gone away with...oh, I cant think of anything since everything is apparently making a comeback! Like the flared pants, button up blouses...But I digress, purity and romance are now a thing of the past and I think for most, going out to drink and to party is as romantic as it gets, though I know there is someone whose idea of a perfect time would be dinner/coffee and conversation....im dreamy eyed over this notion...then the glass shatters when you meet those who just want sex and a good time which I think is the same thing, no?
One night stands are so common, though I would prefer mine goes the Jazmine Sullivan's way, with him turning out to be my kryptonite and finding myself making him pancakes in the morning, not saying bye or me getting breakfast made for me.... Well, it is not like this....its so common, people doing the walk of shame..
I think the reason so many of us have resorted to this is not coz we don't want a meaningful relationship, no, its coz there are so many “if's” and “maybe's” and its just to much work to try and sort it all out, so hey, meaningless, almost, un-guilty sex...maybe, but I still want me that guy who will sweep me of my feet, take me out to dinner so I can put those dresses to good use...
My friend says that no one ever meets anyone while they are single, they always have someone in their lives and the only way you can deal with this is to make yourself available coz maybe, just maybe, the person they are with ain't really meant for them, so you make yourself available and maybe he notices you, and well, the cogs come together nicely. I believe this is true coz otherwise, we wouldn't have to look at that guy/girl while we are with him/her, we would be content. Or else, its just us being human and allowing our eyes and thoughts to rove.
Relationships are hard to find and harder to keep, so I think I would rather make up my own rules as I go coz rules, the ones that were made for dating, are on a scroll somewhere gathering dust along with King Tut's mboches.
Just because I slept with you on the first date doesn't necessarily mean im an “ugly hoe” [smh, what is this mangling of this language we speak?] no, maybe I just hadn't had some for a while, or you were so attractive I lost my mind, or I left my reason on the table along with the tip for the waiter, so don't blame me, blame him for not running after me and returning it.
But seriously, rules of dating, they are different now than they were before coz I know a couple who are still together, and happily so, even though their first date was a one night stand of bunny sex.
I think that a relationship is what you make it, and sex, the same, if you let sex define your relationship with someone, then, hey, that is your decision, I believe you shape what you want, and I believe in not dwelling on what society deems the norm. someone tweeted, “Heterosexual is not normal, its just common” not necessarily looking at it literally, but it makes a whole lot of sense, that statement...just coz its normal for people to think you a “hoe” because you gave it up the first night/day, doesn't necessarily mean you are....
Shae, OUT!
When I was younger, way younger, and I had a boy [adorable how I called them that, 'boy'] ask me to kiss him, I would, and did, write the poor tyke a very long list of reasons why we shouldn't engage in such behavior; I actually believed that kissing was a behavior...aaaahhh to be young and naïve again.
Back then, I, honestly, believed that “purity” counted and I held on to that till I was about 20 and then I discovered sex and we all know how it goes from there. I am no super woman and I did hold on to my innocence as long as I could, but, hey.... [If you don't then you shouldn't be reading this, it has a PG rating on it.]
On the same note, is everyone's “first time” a disappointment or was that just me? But the second time sort of made up for it. Enough about that..
Nowadays, all that belief in saving “it” for that special person seems to have gone away with...oh, I cant think of anything since everything is apparently making a comeback! Like the flared pants, button up blouses...But I digress, purity and romance are now a thing of the past and I think for most, going out to drink and to party is as romantic as it gets, though I know there is someone whose idea of a perfect time would be dinner/coffee and conversation....im dreamy eyed over this notion...then the glass shatters when you meet those who just want sex and a good time which I think is the same thing, no?
One night stands are so common, though I would prefer mine goes the Jazmine Sullivan's way, with him turning out to be my kryptonite and finding myself making him pancakes in the morning, not saying bye or me getting breakfast made for me.... Well, it is not like this....its so common, people doing the walk of shame..
I think the reason so many of us have resorted to this is not coz we don't want a meaningful relationship, no, its coz there are so many “if's” and “maybe's” and its just to much work to try and sort it all out, so hey, meaningless, almost, un-guilty sex...maybe, but I still want me that guy who will sweep me of my feet, take me out to dinner so I can put those dresses to good use...
My friend says that no one ever meets anyone while they are single, they always have someone in their lives and the only way you can deal with this is to make yourself available coz maybe, just maybe, the person they are with ain't really meant for them, so you make yourself available and maybe he notices you, and well, the cogs come together nicely. I believe this is true coz otherwise, we wouldn't have to look at that guy/girl while we are with him/her, we would be content. Or else, its just us being human and allowing our eyes and thoughts to rove.
Relationships are hard to find and harder to keep, so I think I would rather make up my own rules as I go coz rules, the ones that were made for dating, are on a scroll somewhere gathering dust along with King Tut's mboches.
Just because I slept with you on the first date doesn't necessarily mean im an “ugly hoe” [smh, what is this mangling of this language we speak?] no, maybe I just hadn't had some for a while, or you were so attractive I lost my mind, or I left my reason on the table along with the tip for the waiter, so don't blame me, blame him for not running after me and returning it.
But seriously, rules of dating, they are different now than they were before coz I know a couple who are still together, and happily so, even though their first date was a one night stand of bunny sex.
I think that a relationship is what you make it, and sex, the same, if you let sex define your relationship with someone, then, hey, that is your decision, I believe you shape what you want, and I believe in not dwelling on what society deems the norm. someone tweeted, “Heterosexual is not normal, its just common” not necessarily looking at it literally, but it makes a whole lot of sense, that statement...just coz its normal for people to think you a “hoe” because you gave it up the first night/day, doesn't necessarily mean you are....
Shae, OUT!
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