Wednesday, December 29, 2010

New Year's

New Year, new resolutions, new goals, new lives, if they are in the package…

New Year brings this kind of resolve in all of us, we have so many goals we set that we seldom reach or most probably give up on.
This year will be no different. We will all set some sort of goals and most of us will probably not even put any effort into achieving them because most probably they were set because we drunk too much and it was the whole “I will never drink again…(until next weekend)” saga.

Here are my resolutions for next year:

 Buy less/fewer (I don’t know which of the two sounds more right grammatically) shoes
 Try and buy shoes with lower heels (not flat though!!!)
 Be more forgiving
 Love more and hate less
 Admit to having a family that I actually care for (I know, I know!)
 Love me more (this will definitely be my mantra)
 Control my anger (Ha! Like that is about to happen!)
 Practice patience
 Not use these words, “I have nothing to wear!”
 Buy fewer hand bags, CHLOE you were my last purchase, lets leave it at that
 And oh yeah, move up in my job.(I think this should have been no. 1)

I actually went brain dead writing that! I couldn’t find anything else to want to achieve this coming year, only reductions! And which, if I may point out, I may not really do, but at least they are achievable.

So this is very honest of me, most of us make resolutions to seem like we are ‘all that’ in the eyes of everyone else, seem like they are very motivated and all that.

I have a really bad habit of impulsively buying shoes and bags, but mostly shoes, so this New Year, I want to fight that habit, not buy shoes as often and for no apparent reason.
I want to be a better person emotionally this year, I have so much love to give and I don’t do it often enough (not that kind of love, you perv! He he)

So lets see, you took your bonus and maybe an advance, drunk it all away, bought oh, so may unnecessary things for ‘Christmas’, threw a party…you know. Well now, not exactly right now, but after New Year’s, coz you will spend more money then; reality will set in and you will realize that there are bills to pay and then the resolutions start he he.

Twist it this year and let the resolutions be because you really want to not coz you have regrets; and then, have fun!

Have a happy New Year guys!


Disclaimer:

Half of what I say I find really hard to follow through on, so since we are all human, enjoy whatever happens, no regrets people!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

For Colored Girls

I haven’t written in a bit while and someone asked me and my answer was that I lacked inspiration. Well, I was watching this movie that I had picked up, ‘For colored girls’, and 10 minutes into the flick, my inspiration was back! Switched on the lights and took my notebook and pencil out.

This movie has an all black/colored girl cast with Janet Jackson, Thandie Newton, Kimberly Elise and a host of others, which tells you its worth the time.
This is like being at a SLAM event because there is so much emotion in the words these women utter.
Black women go through so much but we stand by what we believe whether it’s good for us or not.

There are so many characters portrayed by these women and I feel I can identify with more than one of them; the woman “on-top”, the abused woman, the one with her dreams playing out, the one who has dreams of a future but they are slowly being crushed, the whore, the crazed mother, the one who preaches but doesn’t do….

“This is for colored girls who have considered suicide but are moving on to the end of their rainbows”

This caught my attention and I tried to paraphrase as little as possible:

“Sleeping with all these men thinking its just sex
It aint just sex, honey, it has a root
And you have got to find that root to pluck it!
At 4.30 AM you rise moving the arms and legs that trapped you
You make a bath of musk water to remove his smell;
To wash away the glitter,
To watch the butterflies melt into suds and the rhinestones fall beneath your buttocks like smooth pebbles in a Missouri River
Lying in water, you become yourself; ordinary, brown braided woman with big legs and full lips.
Regular
And those who fall prey to the dazzle of hips painted with orange blossoms and magnolia scented wrists
That wanted no more than to lay between her sparkling thighs
And had planned on leaving before dawn.
And when you finish writing your account of her exploit in a diary embroidered with lilies and moonstones,
You place the rose behind your ear and cry yourself to sleep
I used to be you.”


So I watch this movie and I cry my eyes out because there is so much endurance and emotion that these women go through! I cry for lost love, for all the times I have had to hold and keep my emotions at bay because it is expected of me.

I loved this because it represents each and every woman, for all the times that we have almost given ourselves up for promises and for belief….

“Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff!
And dint care enough to send a note home saying
I was late for my own solo conversation
Or two sizes too small for my own tacky skirts
What can anybody do with something of no value on an open market?
Did you get a dime for my things?
Hey man! Where are you going with all of my stuff?!
This is a woman tripping!
I need my stuff to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ about
Honest to God, somebody almost ran off with all of my stuff
And I dint bring anything but the kick and sway of it;
The perfect ass for my man and none of it is theirs!
This is mine! Anne’s own things
That’s my name.
Now give me my stuff!!

I see you hiding my laugh
And how I sit sometimes with my legs open to give my crotch some sunlight
This is some delicate leg and whimsical kiss
I have got to have to give to my choice
So you can’t have me unless I give me away
And I was doing all that till you ran off from a good thing

And who is this you left me with?
Some simple bitch with a bad attitude!
I want my things. I want my own with the hot iron scar
I want my leg with the flea bag
I want my things!
I want my calloused feet and quick language back in my mouth
I want my own things how I love them

Somebody almost ran off with all of my stuff and I was just standing there looking at my stuff the whole time!
It wasn’t a spirit that ran off with my stuff,
It was a man whose ego walked around like Rodham’s shadow
It was a man faster than my innocence
It was a lover I made too much room for
I almost ran off with all my stuff
And the one running with it don’t know he got it
Am shouting, “This is mine!” and he doesn’t even know he got it!
My stuff is the anonymous ‘ripped off treasure of the year’
Do you know somebody almost got away with me?
Me, in a plastic bag under his arm
Me, Anne, somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff.”


While writing this, I hold on to the fact that “am sorry’s” don’t need to impact on my life coz my love is too beautiful to be thrown back to my face!
This is for all the women, for all the love in your hearts that sometimes goes unappreciated and un-mirrored, you love you and that should mean the world to you.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

For matatus, real men and the not so real ones

Yesterday missy, here was heading home after a long-ish day that wasn’t so nice, who am I kidding?! It was a terrible day!!



I head to the stage, which is basically the place that the matatus have decided they will stand, heckle, cat call, bang on the cars, and basically cause as much commotion as they can till you get in just so they can shut up! Funny though, we always get into the ones that have the loudest idiot who is trying to grab you and half drag you into the matatu tsk tsk!



In the matatu that station, I think its called 1FM is playing some Freshly Ground and am singing softly along, though I think I wasn’t really soft at all; but you know what I mean.



The car fills up and off we go with the driver flooring it like he stole it! I don’t know if it is supposed to be on their resume but they are such terrible mannered people on the road! Am grateful for the traffic build up because at least that stems his “enthusiasm” and we go at a more comfortable speed.

The guy seated next to me is fidgety and he is looking at me funny, so I put both my fones in my bag, give him a very long and meaningful look and then hold on to that bag as if my life depended on it.



I have this thing, you know, having grown up in Eastleigh and all, that if I have any suspicions about your intentions with me or my property, I show you I have noticed and I would not let you carry out your hare brained intentions which basically mean, “snatch and run” which in the case of the bulky man seated next to me was almost funny seeing as he couldn’t run from inside a moving matatu.



I sing on and we are finally on Uhuru Highway, the traffic here is scant and he is racing imaginary cars, the music hides the fact that I am terrified that the driver will kill us, and my brain goes on this path where am thinking what would happen if I actually died, here, you expect to hear that I regret not telling my siz that I love her and all that mushy stuff, but no, am thinking, those little do-nut thingies I bought, I dint finish them, and that someone will be wearing my shoes!!!(Shudder! shudder!) and that all I have worked for so far I will not have anymore, and that he will be miserable for a little while and then get over me and move on with another one….”I think I would haunt her”

Yeah, am selfish like that, but at least I have the “balls” to admit it! Yes you, you judgmental little person (hehe)



So we get to that stretch before General Motors on Mombasa Road and the car is suddenly going (I almost typed “gowing”!!) very slow, and I think maybe he has a conscience after all, a heart while we are at it!

The rise after General Motors and he “parks” the car on the curb!! So he has the music on really loud and the “Kange” goes to the front to talk to him; turns out, he doesn’t have fuel in the car, and am thinking, “what a dumb-ass move!”

This guy gets out and asks the rest of the guys to get out and help push, and they do, amazing how guys have this thing about “group work” going on, they stand up for each other when we ask them about the whereabouts of “our men” too!

The man I mentioned before actually lets the one on the other end pass and he lets his fellow men push while he sits and looks out the window! I give him another meaningful look but he is not moved, he just returns the stare.

Well, we are pushed and since am done with my morbid thoughts from before, I call the lady who does my laundry and scold her for not coming through and then I listen to the guys outside, they actually seem to be having fun and I consider joining them outside, but I have heels on and Steve Madden would have a heart attack if I pushed the car with my shoes on.



The guys are cracking jokes and generally having fun heckling the driver about his misconduct which they take very lightly unlike the woman seated there near the door.

We get to the “mteremko” and all the guys jump back in and we “free” to the petrol station. Here, the afore mentioned woman calls her friend and bitches about the “horrific” situation she has just been in, women, sometimes, you embarrass the rest of us, nkt!! We were all in it, you did not get asked to push the car, you weren’t hurt and nothing came of the whole “horrifying” situation so instead of bad mouthing the people who helped, shut up and look at it as an adventure, savvy?



Because of the whole situation, I had to walk a little longer to get home, but hey, who is complaining? I had fun, and I learnt that not all people who wear pants are men, only those who get out to push the car are real men, hehe.



So to all the real men out there, thank you for being you.



Diary of a woman cheated on

I saw you with her, for the first time, I did.

Everyone was telling me you were with her, I never really believed it, and I dint want to accuse you of anything that I hadn’t seen myself (totally Kenyan right there, “me, I”)

So I just kept it to myself, I never uttered a word and I watched you lie to me and slowly kill the feelings that I had for you and, sadly, for me too.



I saw you with her, not just holding her, but with her, and the last feeling I had flickered out. I saw you with her and there, my resolve died.

She dint look prettier than me, she dint look that smart, and when she did open her mouth, she cemented that…..I looked at you, the questions I wanted to ask, ‘why?’ being top of the list just dint come out.

I looked at you, I dint see what I thought had always been in there mirrored; I looked at you and saw the truth.



I cried for what I thought I was losing

I left, dint say a word, I just left.





I came back, I did, then I took your spray can and graphitized your shirts and your shoes, I took extra time on the YSL limited edition sneakers you so loved.

I sneezed coz of the smell of the paint



I poured all your shower gels down the drain, they smelt good, they did



I went into the kitchen, it was once ‘our’ kitchen oh, so long ago that seemed.

I poured flour on the floor, then a layer of currants and nuts, then sugar just to sweeten things up, then more flour, just to make it even then layered on all the syrups from the fridge, you love syrup, don’t you, honey?



The living room looked so nice and tidy, I had put so much work into it, the white Persian rug, I loved that rug, but I wanted a patterned one, back to the spray can, and then a dash of cranberry juice…

There….a masterpiece Picasso would have been very pleased to see



I loved watching movies on your telly, like you always said, ‘we don’t need to go to the movies, we let them come to us’

I played catch with that, took the crystal flutes I bought for your 28th birthday and we got down to business, I do not understand why the telly doesn’t want to play, it keeps dropping everything! Oops, it has scratches and a character giving crack right in the middle



I'm bored…..

I know, I hate these curtains, I feel like a frilly look will be better or a grunge torn up look, where are those scissors?

Rip, snip, tear, nicely done, I like that I can see through to the neighbors, doesn’t feel so lonely anymore. I always told you that seclusion wasn’t so nice, now you can see why



Aaawww, don’t we look pretty in that portrait? But it lacks pizazz! So back to the spray can, originality is crucial, so I think, mustache on you, little imp horns and a few missing teeth, nice!!!



I pack up and leave, for good this time.



Your car looks nice, freshly washed and waxed, aah, so many memories, I have my keys in my hand; you know that sound metal on metal makes, yeah, I hate that sound too, and it went on for so long!!!



Then I went off into the horizon.

Cheaters

Is there such a thing as a good criminal?



Well, as much as we would like to think that they are all heartless bastards, there are a few of them who actually have hearts and a conscience. Some would not hurt a baby and would rather abandon a job than involve a child; others would not hurt a woman or an old person…..on the same lines, and please hear me out on this one, humor me ladies…



There is such a thing as a good ‘cheat’.

What is the stupidest reason a guy has given you for cheating on you?

I dated this guy once and when I asked, he told me he was insecure and had to have a back up plan.

I wanted to kill him then but later I thought about it and I actually kind of understood where he was coming from; in every relationship, you are never sure what is going to happen, you take a risk, and take a plunge into the unknown, and you trust yourself to trust someone else with your heart, your feelings, wouldn’t you also like to have a plan B in case A fails?

You know the way Women are never very sure with their shoes so they carry a pair of sandals in their bags? Well, on some level, you are doing the same thing that my ex was doing, you have a plan B in case A’s heel breaks or a strap comes off.



I dint want to believe that I wasn’t his everything, so I left and that was that, good thing though, and saying this is what got me through those tear filled nights, ‘I was plan A’.



So you see, he was looking out for the main plan A, which is him, and that is what is most important to everyone, you have to please you before anyone else or else you are going to be a very sad person. You have to be your own star player and make your star player happy, everyone else comes second.



On this cheating subject, think about it, if you have cheated, think, ‘why did you do it?’



Let me start you off, I cheated because he dint have time for me, so I got someone else who had time for me, they listened, they were available. He wasn’t. He had work and ‘the boys’, his car, his mom, not me; I was an afterthought. I felt like I imagine his house feels like; functional.

So I stopped fielding those calls, accepted a coffee date, a movie, dinner, and the rest, am sure your imagination can fill you in.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved him, but I loved me too and me wasn’t very happy, so I took measures for me’s sake.



So there, you have cheated at some point, you felt guilty, maybe, like me, you dint; but all in all, you have your reasons and if you were to be placed in a position that needed you to explain yourself, you would have very sensible reasons (most of you would, some are just heartless)



What am trying to get across is that maybe, just maybe, there are people who cheat without necessarily meaning to hurt another person, they are doing what they are doing with the best of intentions, if someone gets hurt, then that was just bad luck.



I am not saying that now you can cheat and get a good excuse to get from it, no, just hear them out.

But then again, it may just be a jerk feeding you a whole lot of crap!



Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Confusicus

Why are you telling me all this?

Why are you making me feel like this?

No, no, why are you making me 'feel' at all?!

You sit me down, you open up to me

You don't even tell your "boys" these things

Why are you telling me?

You tell me no one else has made you feel like this before

You say that it has been killing you to keep it from me

You say that when you speak to me, you feel that everything will be ok.

You say that now I know, you feel much better

Did you stop to think that maybe i did not want to know?

Did you think that maybe, just maybe, I liked where we were

I was in my world, you were in yours

And when we met, we could forget and just be, just be?

Did you stop to think that I was vague with mine coz I wanted the same from you?

Did you think that by telling me you were changing stuff?

Maybe now I want to change stuff too...

You say you would do anything in the world for me, get me anything I want

You say no matter where I am, who I am with,

You say no matter what I need, you will always come through

I say maybe now you are confusing me

I say maybe I don't want you to be like that with me

Maybe, just maybe, I want what we had before.

Maybe I liked what we had before.

Maybe I like thinking that we are 'ok'

Maybe we were ok...



Thursday, August 12, 2010

Lessons

Now I have been thinking things through, when I say that, I have this serious look on my face like I actually achieved something from the experience, well, I did not achieve anything.
I ended up smiling my way through most of the stuff I thought about.
I was thinking about something that my friend said, which, I think, he has never thought about! He said, “Everything happens for a reason”.
When he said this, the only thing I could think of was,
“Heck no!!!”
This was because, and I know you will all, ok, most of you, will agree with me, that what happened to you in school and at home when you were younger was mostly uncalled for! (Here, I laugh!) Because I believe, now I do, back then, I was baying for blood, thinking, wait till I grow up, I will so get back at you!!
Where was I? Oh, yeah, I was saying that now I understand why what happened back then, happened.
Who am I kidding? I still don’t get some of them. Let me give you an example….

There was this time, seems like so long ago, and we had carrots in the garden, still young and juicy and oh, so sweet. I don’t know what it is about being a kid but you think everything you do is a mistake! So in the same spirit, we would furtively look to see if anyone was in the rooms with windows facing the garden and then we would run to the garden, pull a carrot out of the ground and then go and hide by the gate and eat the thing with bits of soil that we couldn’t manage to brush off, we did this several other times and we were happy as sin thinking that we were getting away with this.

Unbeknownst (who ever uses this word?!) to us, the adult in the house had been audience to all our doings and she was devising (all adults do this, they devise new ways everyday of making kids lives unbearably difficult) a way of making us pay for our “sins”.

She walked out of the house with a wash basin of water, laid it by the carrot patch and called us over, we go, all innocent and she tells us that she dint feel like cooking that day because we were the only reason she was going to do that anyway but since we had given her an alternative, she was glad.
We look at her like she dropped a screw on her way to the garden but she smiles and tells us to sit there, and clear the whole patch! Now, this seemed like a small feat and we sat down with glee and got down to chomping.

Well those of you who have been kids before know that you cannot, absolutely cannot eat that many carrots and soon, we were full and our jaws hurt.
She sat there looking at us and waited, I have to give her this, she was bloody patient!

Long story short, we weren’t able to clear the carrot patch and we all got beaten up! What for? I still do not understand! And I do not know what the moral of the experience was and I still think adults are put on this earth to make children’s lives miserable.
Hey, wait, I am an adult now, I wonder if my nephew or niece or kids will write about me too….

Have a lesson filled day, wont you?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

My Best Friend

I’m in love with my best friend.

At least I think I am, in love, that is; and I am not even sure I can call him my best friend.

But what I am sure of, is that every time I am with him, I feel like nothing else matters, like he makes it all ok.

When did this start? Let’s see…. I think it started long before I acknowledged it to myself, but it has been a process.

I realized, just the other day, when we were watching a movie, with his arm comfortably around my shoulders, and this really mushy scene comes up, I sniff, try to turn away, you know its corny to cry in a movie; but he holds me tighter, rubs my arm, and places a little kiss on my temple like he understands.

Now the person I am with, never, ever does something like that, they would be laughing their ass off, you know, those loud guffaws (I don’t know how this sounds, but I imagine that what would come out of their mouth would be it.) so I get more comfortable, snuggle up to him, mmmmhhhh, the rest of the movie goes pretty much the same way all movies go; break-up, make-up, and happy ending, which by the way, was a beautiful sunset. At this point I really miss all the action that I love in movies, blood, twisted metal, cracked and broken pavements and roads…yeah, I like violence on the screen, otherwise its not worth paying for, which explains that I did not pay for this movie, but I had nothing to do and we were both “plot-less” since am not the ‘lets go have a drink’ type, movie it was, and only the soppy one appealed to us.

So I get up, pull him up, he always indulges me these little childish plays, and he will never know this, but it gives me immense pleasure to actually be with him. We walk down the isle, he is holding my hand, am swinging his, and he looks at me, I feel like a little child; a happy, content, little child.

We walk out of the cinema, and it hits me; I AM in love with my best friend!

Short of plopping down on the stairs and being agape, I let go of his hand and went to the bathroom (that is the polite way to say ‘toilet’ a lady never says ‘toilet’) and I look at my face in the mirror, I put my jaw back up, and I feel really chilly! I have this look in my eyes, am serious, its there, I can barely recognize me!

“Deep breaths, deep breaths, calm yourself!”

I think I have been in the bathroom for an awfully long time and he might become suspicious, so I will have to get out now, pretend that everything is ok, that I was “just going to the bathroom”.

But its not ok, its not like it was before, I can’t look at him the same way I used to, I cant hold his hand like I used to, I can’t…… I can’t…

One last breath, and out of the bathroom, I pretend that am looking for something in my huge tote, and he makes a joke about how I could fit in there along with all my stuff, and he says it endearingly, I want to look at him, but I cant, I just….can’t.

He puts his arm around my shoulder as we go down the stairs and I snuggle up to him, he smells nice, and I want to stay there, it’s nice and warm. We stroll on the sidewalk, am lost in my thoughts; I realize he is speaking to me,

“Huh”

“What do you want to do?” he asks me

“Nothing, I was thinking I would go home…I don’t know…”

“How about some hot chocolate?”

He knows exactly what I like, my comfort drink, hot chocolate.

At the coffee house, he looks at me, I can feel him looking at me, but am staring out the window, trying to avoid his eyes, he touches my hand, I have to look at him and all I see is love in there, concern,

“What’s up?”

“Nothing am good”

“When you are good and ready”

“Why are you like that with me?” I ask him

“Like what?”

“Like that, you know…” I say, with a shrug

“Its nothing, lets just lenga that vibe” I brush it off.

My chocolate comes and for a moment, I get lost in the flavor and the sweetness that is in that mug.

So now am thinking, if I tell him how I feel, and he doesn’t feel the same way, then what?

If I tell him, and I lose the best thing that ever happened to me, then what?

So now that I was used to telling him everything, how will I be able to hide this from him? To not tell him?

All the while am turning these thoughts over in my head, am looking into my mug of hot chocolate, and he is staring at me, waiting for me to tell him, he has faith in me, that when am good and ready, I will tell him what is on my mind, I feel worse now.

I take a deep breath, and I look at him, and I think, ‘it’s all worth it, you are all worth it, and I would rather have a sure thing with you, my best friend, than a “maybe” with you’.

I smile, and I feel that it’s going to be ok, that I will always be happy as long as you are here, with me.

I feel much better now, I take his hand and squeeze it just a bit, he squeezes back, I know it’s going to be ok, and I know “we” are ok.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Addiction.

Ok, I wouldn’t exactly call it that, but it came from someone who means a lot to me and they think that this will actually help me with my real addiction that is slowly threatening to take me over the edge and the fall doesn’t promise to be anything nice; more like a big SPLAT!!!

So I have this addiction, which from now, and the duration of this, my here, writing, will be referred to as my nasty habit. (I even ‘bolded’ it!)

Well, this habit of mine has proven to be a reprieve of sorts, a release for my pent up emotions, just so you know, oh, dear reader, I will not reveal what it is later on, no, I will just mention it using the fore mentioned two words, nasty habit; I know, I know, its vastly irritating.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, this nasty habit of mine has become my channeling point for so many issues; I don’t trust easy, so it would be hard for me to actually tell someone, anyone and my shrink is getting too bloody expensive.

So I think if I write I will get my nasty habit to reduce to an indulgence, which I can revisit ever so often when I want to, not when I need to like I do now.

I write thus far and then I need to step out and go see a client (don’t laugh, I’m serious, that is what I went to do!! Not “indulge”) and when I get back, I have this feeling that I need to just ‘get it all out’ so I try and talk to my colleague, who is also a friend, but I cant get any relief, so I come back to my desk and continue to write.

I am not looking to write anything specific, just to get what I feel into a semblance of order.

I feel deprived, coiled up, empty and a whole lot more, but you get the general drift, but as much as I try to, I cannot, I think I will just not admit to myself that I actually feel this way, I will live in the total bliss that is naïveté….

But for real, when I think about it, it comes with the feeling that I have failed myself in some sort of way, and the only way to make it go away, is, wait for it….. “My nasty habit”. So I feel I should indulge, but then my friends voice is in my ear telling me it isn’t worth it, that I could do something better…

I’m sure we all have some sort of addiction, as small as it may seem; shopping, chocolate…anything really, but everything has its consequences, and if you [and i] know what’s good for us, we will stem it and deal with the problem/issue.

Call me when you solve yours, I might need a few pointers.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Ramblings

So just like everything else, there's always a point where one is never sure of what is going through their heads, that said, if this doesnt make sense, then it is true to its meaning.

There's plenty of reason why i would want to write, but for the first time, i dont really have a clue as to why im doing so!
I was compelled by something unexplainable to just pen down something, anything, i looked for a pen and couldnt find one (now i know what my nephew was doing in my purse!) as for paper, back to my nephew, he turned all my diaries into 'work space', a better description of what he does, may be homework, doodling, whatever catches his fancy at any one time!

It hit me that i have editing (what is the spelling of 'write' in continous form?) space on ever faithful FB! The 'light bulb' came on and no matter how many times i try to clap, the bloody thing wont go off!!
So now im set to write and i have so many ideas of what i want to write about, but then i remember what Ben said in one of his notes, about people finding out much about 'one' from FB, and i get paranoid. I dont want people to know me that well!! I want to keep guarded, my 'secrets'.

What would be the point of write(-ing) if we dint get insights into what the 'author' was feeling, (at the time) thinking, (other than the context of his words)...

On that note, im feeling betrayed, lost, alone, weak, sad...but for the life of me, i cannot muster an iota of strength to put that in my words, i can only think 'happy'!
Conflicting thots and feelings!?
Maybe this is what all great authors had to go through but they can separate the pure, from the 'chaos'.
But i have tried, and (not 'fail (-ed)) wasnt able to.
But surprisingly, i am feeling alot better, more organizd in my head than when i first log-d on to do this, my heart still feels like lead but my thots are clearer, i feel i have progressed in a plan that is stil in its initial stages of being born...and i feel that 'this' aided alot in the process.

Signed,
My 'rambles'.

My Enigma

There i was, minding my own business, when 'they' happened to come into my life...like scent wafting to my nose, piqued, and from then, i was hooked...

So let me try and piece together what it is that made me 'tick'....

It started off with...i really dont know! But what i do know, is that it is progressively getting, should i say, worse...? But it is like sweet torture, like an itch when you scratch it....like the moments right before you sneeze...
I feel, i breathe, i...everything, its like disjointed thoughts, like lights that go on and off, getting everything out of focus and confusing, disorienting the hell out of you..
It has taken over my thoughts, my feelings...seeping through my pores, taking over my conscience..
I go round in circles, hoping, praying, that i could lose it in the confussion..to no avail..i resign myself to the fact that i cannot be rid of it....that i have to live with it and maybe, just maybe, i will one day be joined, be one, with MY ENIGMA.

Her

I knew she was the one as soon as I laid my eyes on her. She was a lovely shade of milky brown and I just wanted to reach out and touch her. She had the prettiest eyes I had ever seen, and when I got close to her, she reached out and touched me! The most timid, softest touch ever!

I still cannot believe my luck that I found her, perfect her, and that she was going to be all mine!! I went to bed after that visit thinking about her, and seeing her beautiful eyes every time I closed mine. It was very hard to get any sleep that night since all I wanted was to be with her, hold her in my arms and look into her eyes, drown in their caramel depths…….

The next day, I woke up with a smile on my lips, anticipation almost getting the better of me. And off I went to claim what was mine…but in the back of my mind I was wondering if she wanted me as much as I wanted her…it was troubling. But I wasn’t going to tell anyone that.

There she was, looking up at me with those two brown pools that I wanted to drown in. I do not think the feeling I got every time I looked into her eyes would ever stop taking my breath away!
In my arms at long last!! I never thought that you could read so much into a gesture; but the feeling I got from her body was the same thing I felt and it was mirrored back to me!! I couldn’t be happier.
I hugged her so tight, I think if I squeezed a little tighter, I would have broken her fragile bones…or her, even.

I took her home with me and went straight to my room, lay her on the bed and knelt down next to her….I couldn’t imagine being any happier than I was at that moment….like I could burst from the mere effort it took to breathe….she was mine!!

Did I say that I was writing about the puppy I got when I was little, (at least in my dreams, I did) well I was.


Didn’t see that one coming didya?!!
Ha! What I wouldn’t get to see the looks on your faces right now!!

End Of Day.

I'm sitting in my chair at work, its almost "home-time" and am itching to get out of the office, its not that i have anything overly important to go and do, no, i just have this thing about me that when the clock strikes 'lunch time', my mind goes on auto pilot (tehehe).

i have thoughts in my head, thoughts of this and that, but nothing really centered, it just goes to show the amount of work i can actually get done in the afternoon!!

I'm still thinking of that pair of shoes that i saw and so want, and am thinking of the skirts it could go well with, add pantyhose and i will be like "sex-in-heels"!! in my thoughts, i look fabulous and my shoes do not gather dust as i walk from my house to the stage to catch a mat, and my pantyhose never 'runs'! in my thoughts, i get to work looking like i just stepped out of the house, (i know you thought i was going to say that i looked like i just stepped out of a fashion magazine, am so sticking my tongue out at you!!!:-p) haha!!

so anyway, talking about fabulosity, i am thinking that maybe i don't have to walk up the hill to get to our office and i don't get hooted at by drivers coz am walking on the road and not the pavement so that i can avoid that particularly steep part....no they actually drive into the road and smile, not show me that infamous middle finger!!(how rude!)
in my thoughts, my day doesn't start with a rude e-mail from a client who wanted a price that does not exist on our rate card, but in their own sense of "rationale", should actually be listed as "their" rate!! ; not with the audacity of another to ask for a 25% cut off from "their" rate!! if we actually did that, I wouldn't have a job!!
(a light bulb just went on in my head!) so that is why i have a job!! to 'deal' with these clients, now i get it! so i will not complain again when i get e-mails in the morning(who am i kidding?! i will still curse my pretty mouth off and bitch about the one particular vulgar one who cant seem to get cigarette stench from his breath!)

so now it looks like its going to rain and the driver wants to go home, so i am packing up my stuff, and calling it a day. i actually achieved quite a bit today!!
hopefully, tomorrow i will achieve a bit more than i did today.
adios hombres!!

Thoughts

if today was my last day.......that thought featured alot in my mind today, and for one reason or other, it brought tears to my eyes.....

.....if i had only 72 hours left to live....i think i would want to spend that time with my brother, yeah, even i surprised myself with that answer! but i honestly think that i would want to give my brother a second chance at being exactly that, my big brother.

i would want to hug him, feel like everything would be ok with him around, like i could always turn to him when everything around me was crashing down...i would want to know him as a person, his fears, his hopes and his dreams......coz it seems and feels like forever since i last "spoke" to MY brother.

so yeah, if i had only 72 hours left to live, i would spend them with my brother, and get know the man that he is.

Almost....

A realization,
Too hard to swallow
You’ve gone with the wind
Left a hole, a blackness I never knew
And you are too far.

I thought we were meant to be
When you took me into your arms
Whispered a 3-word sentence
The empty phrase you put in my brain
Now Im just missing you

The smile I knew
The one that saw me through…
All faded
Leeched into the deepest of seas
The once radiant face
No longer mine
I long for your touch…
I long to hear your voice
You aint coming back, I know…but
Through the wind, the morning breeze
Let me hear you say it….
Say you love me

I thought time was as endless as eternity
When you were around…
I wish I dint ever wish this wish,
But,
I wish you wish I am with you

The love from the bottom of my heart, I swear,
Could surpass the highest of mountains
Cross the valleys
And be as endless as the stars above

But you,
You took it all for granted
I gave all I could
And when you’d had enough
You went with the waves
And you were gone, my love.

Happenings

I was going to write stuff about how I was reminiscing about the past, but then, why would I need to go back there?
Let’s keep to the present…..

The other day I was sitting in my favorite coffee house where I had ordered for herbal ice tea and the girl who brought it gave me honey instead of sugar syrup, now, am not in the mood to lose my temper coz my day has gone well thus far, but
‘Where the hell did you go to school?’

You know very well that honey doesn’t dissolve in cold beverages!! So I curse on the inside and I look into my glass, and there are no ice cubes in there!!!

I don’t know about you, but when I want ice tea, I want to see the ice cubes in my glass…so I ask the girl, and she says that ‘they’ blended my ice tea.

“Who in –effing hell asked you to do that??!”

And she still has the gall to go like,

“Well, that is how we make our ice tea, just say you want more and I will add ice cubes”

Who the hell gave you the balls to tell me that?!(‘Coz I want to kill them!)
I think she is in the wrong industry, I want ice tea with ice cubes, am the customer, you should give me what I want, darn it!

I still don’t want to lose my temper and I look at her and pour all the honey into my blended ice tea which, surprise, surprise, sinks right to the bottom!!(Dint see that one coming, did’ya?)

This girl just doesn’t get it, “just keep stirring, it will eventually melt”
Oh, my bad, I dint know that cold ‘melted’ stuff, let alone honey!

So I humor her, I stir my blended-ice-tea to “melt” the honey…

I see my favorite waitress coming and I whisper a silent prayer,
”thank you God for all the things and people I take for granted…”

She looks at my ice tea perplexed and goes and brings me sugar syrup!! Yay! She apologizes and asks after my day…lovely service!
I tell her that I had a lovely day, and she stays to chat a bit longer, and then goes to attend to other patrons. Real good service.

You know, even after she (the waitress from “blond school”) messed up everything about my brew, I will still go back to my favorite coffee house, because there will always be someone to make me smile. (And if there isn’t I will throw a right tantrum!! I kid you not!)

Valentines

So its here again, Valentines, its never really meant much since there is nothing really special about it, don’t get me wrong, I am not ‘hating’ on those that wait with bated breathe for this day, no, I actually applaud their enthusiasm….whatever it is for.

This is how I look at it;
If you are in their life, then everyday, (....ok, every other day?.......fine then, once in a while!) should be (like) Valentines, them telling you that they love (cough! cough! excuse me) you, they give you little (or big) gifts…. I find little gifts better, perfume is little, a diamond ring is little, and that pair of heels is little (my shoe size is four, and that is little!)
So the ladies have to agree with me there, I would rather get a little gift rather than a gargantuan gift (unless it’s a house, of course! hehe) that I will not use or really care for.

So now, where was I? Oh, yeah, gifts….they should come often, not just on that one day that all the guys moan and bitch about because they think that their ‘mama’ (isn’t that what guys call their female partners? Oh, what is language coming to?!) is going to clear his savings on.

Here is a “savings plan” for guys, who am a kidding, this is still going to cost you! Treat her often with little trinkets (note the use of the word ‘trinkets’) because to women, even the smallest action is greatly magnified in the department where you, the guy, is classified as sensitive and the “best boyfriend ever!” and you can be sure that she is always going to drop your name into a conversation that she has with her friends, (the girls lurv you, the guys hate you for the never ending ‘lectures’ they will get, all starting with, “Anne’s boyfriend did….bought…said…”)
But, on a lighter note, this gives you more time alone, you can “hang” with the “boys” (pun not intended) 'cos she is sure that she is in your thoughts…I mean, us girls, we can be so naive!! (I’m a bit embarrassed by my species right now, but I will get over it soon enough)

Now, before one of the girls kills me, here is the upside to my advice to the other sex, you get little gifts (refer to my inference on ‘little’ gifts) all the time as opposed to the one time in February that is not on your birthday because he forgets that even after you have pasted it in bold CAPITAL letters behind the toilet door! (I know! It’s a down, right shame!)

So now that we, both sexes, know what is more or less expected of us, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, it’s Valentines all over again! Someone wake me up when all this is over.

Signed,

The Grinch of Valentines.

Feeling

The heart never lies.

But it does let you down sometimes,
Lets you go where it knows only lies hurt
Despair,
Anguish,
Leads you to a broken self.

So now that you led me there
Led me to a love that seemed to be doomed
Led me to a place that was rife with promise
That place that I found I wanted to stay
Spend eternity in, and not have to leave
I let go of reality, only wanted to live in the dream

That place that promised only glee
Only happiness, never a tear drop
Though once, it did rear its ugly face,
I chose to ignore it
I chose not to see the truth
Because at that point,
Naïveté was bliss
And all I thought I ever wanted,
I had in my heart and in my hold

I felt like my heart would burst
If that were ever possible,
Then it happened to me quite a lot
Always, I had a reason to smile
This heart of mine had brought to me
A world full of nothing but pleasure
Feel-good days

But now,
Now, all I feel is hurt
That heart that was once so full,
So whole
Has now burst its last,
And it isn’t such a pleasant feeling
It’s a cold, wrenching, pain
It’s an emptiness, chasm, an abyss

Gone from me is the happiness
The joy of two
And I’m alone
Cold.

My Woes

So yesterday I sat with, no let me correct that, I was in the same room/space with this girl that seemed (why the hell I’m I trying to be nice??! It’s too much effort!!!) so, I will put it across like it really was, she had an opinion [not] about everything!!! And I kid you not, about everything! Just went yadda yadda this, yadda yadda that!!

Let me start from the beginning;

I was meeting a friend for a drink, (I don’t know why I call it that, since it ends up being very disparaging when I state in simple terms that I do not ‘partake’ in alcohol infused drinks/beverages, which for some reason or other, people seem to find hard to believe…oh, my woes!) so I get off work and I head on over, I am in generally high spirits, which I must assume is from the Snickers Bar that I’m taking, coz I am not generally known to be very good with meeting new people (can you call people “new”?) so it must have been the sugar.

Now, where was I?...oh yeah, I head on over and I meet this gorgeous guy who has everything going for him, I mean, he is impeccably dressed, and I mean, up to the shoes; classic hair cut, beard trimmed, and glasses (now, I feel I must mention, I have a ‘thing’ for guys with glasses, maybe it’s the ‘geekiness’ of it, [and here, I shrug]) and he smiles to reveal perfectly straight pearly whites, now those of you who know me, know I have vampire teeth, and I appreciate when someone is blessed in that area, but I wouldn’t trade mine for anything!

So, back to the beautiful man, he is also blessed with the gift of gab, and I must say he was very well cultured, so I think there must be something wrong with him, no one is that perfect, uh, uh.

Then I say a rather luke-warm hi to my ‘date’ who is actually a very good friend but right then, my view was already jaded by the man sent to torment me! (I’m sorry darling, you know I still got nothing but love for you; handsome men come and go, but you will always be there XOXO)
I take a seat and immediately grab my cell and pretend to be texting so that my breathing can go back to being normal, coz I wouldn’t want to appear flustered, not to this man, anyway, I wanted to be calm, cool and collected, if that were even possible, since my body and my mind were playing hide and seek! “breathe, breathe, breathe” I chanted in my head, then he spoke to me asking what my name was, I look up, and im back to being me, I love this!
“My name is Anne. And you are?”
I think at that point he answered but I was already on another subject to my friend, coz he had started looking at me funny, coz he thought that men had no effect on me whatsoever! So to reassure him that I was still superwoman, I gave him all my attention and ignored Mr. good-looking, thereby killing the proverbial two birds (animal cruelty!) with one stone, I seemed aloof and considerate in one beat…hehe.

So now, miss “i-have-an-opinion[not]-on
-everything” shows up and throws herself totally at Mr. Perfect, its quite entertaining to watch at first, but when she starts embarrassing the female species, I draw my line! I mean, whatever the guy says, she agrees with and says she “LOVES” let me draw you a diagram;

Mr. Perfect, “I like watching football”
Miss B****, “I LOOOVE (and it is drawn out like that!) Football”
Mr. P., “so I think a man has no place in the kitchen”
Miss B, “oh, baby, I know”

Now I know my kitchen isn’t that big, but I’m sure Mr. P can fit in there, and I will still have room to move around him. Or maybe I’m just being a bit tetchy, but if a guy can eat, he can make himself useful in the same area of interest.

So this is my point, this girl agreed with everything that came out of tat man’s mouth, and it started getting to me, coz I know that not all women are that stupid!!

I will give myself a hernia if I go on about the little skinny girl (I do not particularly care for skinny women, no offence, it’s just my opinion, it makes me want to feed them coz they look hungry)

I have to admit she had a redeeming moment when she said something so blonde, even Mr. P couldn’t help but smile, I was just about ready to burst out laughing, but it added up, she dint have an opinion of her own but was going along with whatever Mr. P was saying coz either she had no clue or she was to blonde to have a clue!
So my feelings edged towards the pity cliff, but add alcohol to the equation and she became outright rude and shot (or made her best effort to) down everything I said.
Now im not one to pick a fight, but if you are stupid and I say something that you have no clue about, shut the fuck up and do what you do best, “sit and look pretty”; coz it really unnerves me when a girl comes off as an utter idiot, it gives men the wrong impression! You can be given both, beauty and brains!

So little girl got to me, and I thought of telling her off,
“Sweetheart, if you have to try, and you are trying, to make me look bad to make you look good; you must be a sorry little case”

She wouldn’t understand me, and I felt that my insult would be wasted on her! NKT!!
Oh, well, some things, you just have to let go of.

And at dinner, she ordered ‘chips’ I think if you are trying to impress a guy, a cultured guy, if I may add, the best you could do would be to actually have a clue about food especially if he took the trouble to take you to a nice restaurant…ask the waiter to recommend something if you are clueless!!!

Lets just say when it came to taking my leave, I had never been so grateful, I was embarrassed for her and for what she was doing [not] for women.

So that was my evening.
!aaaarrgghh!!!

A Lovely Evening

My friend invited me to a poetry evening, a meeting of great minds, and I was all psyched for it, I invited a friend who I knew would enjoy this just as much as I would.

Saturday gets here and I am off,

“Hi where you at?”
“I’m getting off a mat, so let’s meet half way”

We get there and all the faces I saw at the last SLAM event I attended are here, I feel at home already, chitter chatter and then the MC goes up front and welcomes us, and I’m wondering why she is trying so hard to speak in Swahili, well, surprise, surprise, the whole evening is Swahili and it isn’t ‘poetry’, its ‘mashairi’….
So she stumbles her way through the intro and then the main ‘act’ gets on ‘stage’ and he delivers a shairi that even though most words just “pita”, it enthralls me, holds me totally captivated! I’m shocked that such a ternary would capture my sights; I take off my jacket, take out my pen and note book and slide easier on the seat, I’m at home.

There follows several other performances that I can only compare to the choral verses from back in high school, it was such an awakening, the issues that we hear and experience everyday, we think of as normal, when you hear of these issues in Swahili, you look at in a totally different light, it touches you deeper.
There was a “choral” by a 6 member team and they were on the issue of how guys cannot say ‘no’ to a beautiful ‘creamy cake’ and it was in Swahili!! If not for the poem, you concentrate so that you can try and capture and understand the words that you heard last when you were in school!!
It was poetry with a purpose, with a message, and even though we have heard it time and over again, it was fresh and new hearing it in Swahili.

The evening had its awkward moments, between trying to speak the Language that belongs to us, that we have turned into a relic of what it was, and trying to understand what was being said, there was still time for great entertainment.
A trio of two guitars and a violin going by the name AZIZA, who I’m shocked I never knew of, gave us a performance that I want to be replayed over and over in my mind!
Apart from the fact that they were handling their instruments (all ye of dirty minds, shame on you! tihihi) like there was no tomorrow, and the way they crooned and made you sit forward, I think I became an instant groupie!!! These guys know what they are doing, they sing in Swahili, Dholuo, Kikuyu and English, and I'm sure if they had enough time, we would have discovered another language that they could also sing in.

Away from the music, there was great company, food for thought and best for me, no alcohol, and still, I had a lovely time!
Last performance by AZIZA and I should at this point mention that their manager’s arm was around my waist and he had an adorable lisp!

So there was my Saturday evening, with a friend I will keep for life, great entertainment and new friends.

The Sex Was Good

A few days ago I put this up as my status update;
“THE SEX WAS GOOD, BUT EVEN THAT GETS LAME.”

Well, I got several comments and y’all thought, ‘here we go again’, its “that” guy, AGAIN.
Well, it wasn’t, and it isn’t, now.

I was thinking about the way we stick in a relationship because we are too afraid to start all over again, the way the thought of having to start all over again with someone else gives you a sinking feeling in your tummy, you want to cry, and you just hang in there and give excuses like, “the sex is really good” (I figure this is the most used excuse for staying in a bad relationship)

I know this girl who got beat up by her boyfriend
(I can’t call anyone who lays their hands on a woman a ‘man’, am sorry, but I just can’t)
And every time you asked her why she still stayed, she would go like,
“Who else will give it to me that good? I haven’t met anyone who can, and I have been trying”
All the while dabbing at her swollen lip, putting ice on her already blacked out eye, and looking like a punching bag that had seen better days.

Every time she said this to me, I stopped feeling sorry for her and wanted to go upside her head, maybe knock some sense into her!
But, seriously, we make excuses for a lot of things in our lives that we would be better off without, learn to let go…

That pair of shoes that you like so much and coz it a “designer”, you keep on wearing it even though it looks so bad we want to retch every time you wear it; let go

That friend of yours that you keep around because you have been best friends from when you were 2, but at the first sign of trouble she runs; is the first to put you down and say “I told you so”; will take your man/girl without missing a beat; let go

That job that pays you crap, but coz your aunt/uncle got it for you (or is your boss), and coz it’s close to where you live; let go

There are many things in our lives we look at in that light, “the sex is good..” but you have to know that the “sex” can be just as good with someone else, even better, all you have to do is let go.

It isn’t such a hard thing, unclench, relax, and open yourself up to an opportunity.

In other news, I went for Karaoke with a pal and I had a lovely time, between the terrible singing and the hot chocolate and Ronnie convincing me to have a go at singing, it was really nice. Thank you Ronnie.

Falling

I fell in love once and it felt oh, so true,
I fell in love and I hit my head the whole way down
I fell in love and I got in so deep,
I fell in love and drowned in its twin brown pools
I fell in love and I felt fear and happiness in a single beat
I fell in love and wanted to stay in limbo forever
I fell in love and got lost to all reality
I fell in love and I wanted nothing more
I fell in love and nothing else mattered to me
I fell in love and everything seemed right
I fell in love and my heart filled to bursting
I fell in love and my thoughts were centered
I fell in love and I felt loved
I fell in love and all else dimmed in its sight
I fell in love and I found me
I fell in love and I found you
I fell in love with you.

The Other Woman - The Cons

Let’s talk about the cons.
It took quite some thinking for me to take the rose petal glasses and look at the truth, so I searched out a few women who had been in such a position, pretty easy considering that almost all women have been the other woman with or without their knowledge and/or consent.

It’s easy enough to get all kinds of information from someone when they think that you are not trying to get any information from them…so if am stepping on your toes right now; if by any chance I quote you, at least am not going to mention any names.

Being the other woman is like being on a new ride, you don’t know what surprise lies around the next bend and it either shocks you or totally surprises you, either way, it’s a ride!
One of the things that most of the women said, and agreed upon was the ending; let me expound:
She had been with him, knowing fully well she was the other woman, for about 4 years, and then he decided that “it was the right thing to do”…..now, I don’t know about you, but if you send me a text and you suddenly have a bout of conscience, and you want to “do the right thing”, that means you have either:
• found someone else who gives it better than me
• think that I am cheating
• or your wife/girlfriend called you out on your cheating ass

so this guy hasn’t the balls to actually tell you this over dinner or even in bed, but texts you, well I would tell you that you are better off without him, but it stings that he dint have the courtesy and after 4 years! Please!!

So that was number one on the cons list, the fact that when they want out, you don’t matter, you don’t have an opinion, you get jack shit!

I really “felt them” on this one, coz it’s almost the same with relationships, when “they” want out, what you think has no pull on the issue.

One of the ladies was really passionate about this, she actually ‘ranted’ on and on, actually got a lot from her; “men suck” was her mantra for the night.
“Its all about him, everything has to go his way, his time, his place to choose, his way, his...his..His...”
She felt cheated that the man only thought about himself! Of course it’s about him!!! When he wants another woman, and you agreed, you should have read the fine print!
It’s about him because to some extent, he is paying for “it” [read, “You”] and thus, he gets to call the shots.
You are basically his fantasy because he can ask you to do things he wouldn’t ask his wife/girlfriend to do.
You are supposed to go at his whim and answer to him.
I guess that is one of the draw backs that we don’t want to look at, oh, well.

“Sometimes you don’t feel like being with them, but you feel like you owe them”
Lets see, you owe them because when you need something from them, they give it to you, so you are kind of in a “give-get” relationship, so deal with it, you knew what you were getting yourself into, so suck it up little missy and “give”.

By now, you may have realized that I am being a little, [ok, a lot] mean, but it comes with the subject matter, and I am also trying to talk myself into not being the other woman, I figure, if I am brutally honest and blunt with the cons, I will not be tempted with the pros.
And another reason, the little B***#@ are whinny!!! OMG!! It’s annoying just being in the same room with them, like being with spoilt brats!

So the best reason for me was this, “if being the other woman will turn me into a whinny bitch, I don’t want none of that!”

There you go me girlies, if you still want to, then go ahead, that is one train am going to give a miss! I would rather be a cougar!
Have an “other-“day, wont you.

The Other Woman

So I have been meaning to write in a long time, but I just haven’t gotten the time or I have and then I backed out coz of one reason or the other, and mostly coz I was too pissed off to write, but today, I figured I would use the anger to actually beat down the keys on my keyboard, and come up with something.

I have been thinking a lot on so many subjects, and I have this uncanny ability to run several ideas through my mind at the same time and make sense of all of them.

The other woman:

She is the woman that we all look at in a totally different light, like she defines sin, desperation…
But I tried to put myself in her shoes and it was really eye opening, and before you go throwing your shoes at me [if they are size 4’s and really pretty, feel free to throw the both of them at me, hehe] hear me out:

She is in a relationship which really isn’t a relationship, in that she isn’t really tied down to the man, she can be in another relationship with someone else, promiscuous, I know, but im not trying to bring out the bad’s of this woman, no. Im trying to line up the pro’s in one pretty little line, so she can be whatever she wants to be. Tell me, all the girlies, that this is something you haven’t thought about, to be free of guilt, like when you wear one pair of shoes all the time and you think the others will feel neglected or jealous; huh, you haven’t thought about it? Coz I have.

Now, where was i? oh, yeah, she can be in another relationship and feel exactly zero guilt about it, you try doing that with your girlfriend/boyfriend (and for the politically correctness of it all, ‘man friend’) the last one sounds a bit like a “man-whore” to me, but we all know me, so there.

Next, this chick gets what she wants all the time, well, almost all the time;
So im the other woman, and I have this man-pal/friend and I need to go shopping for clothes, so I call him and go like,

“sweetie, how you been?”
…..
“im good, and I miss you too”
….
“no, nothing is wrong, I just saw this nice pair of jeans, and I wanted to get them”

“about 20 thousand will do”
….
“Its ok, I will come pick it up in the afternoon/morning”
…..
“yeah, we wouldn’t want that, its ok if you send the driver, thanks darling”

Easy peasy! And I go shopping.

I have sometimes wondered what it is that makes the men so receptive to the other woman, so I asked the experts, [I had to use that line] and the guys tell me this:

• She listens
• Almost always available and if not, for a good reason and will make up
• Never complains of headaches
• Dresses better
• Takes it better than my wife/girlfriend [let me expound on this; she will “take it” in more ways than the wife/girlfriend will]
• Never uses sex as a weapon/bargaining tool
• Always up for a new “adventure”, this means that if I call her to go with me to Mombasa now, she will be ready and very willing, said one of the guys
• She talks to me, she actually sits and talks to me, not whine and complain, no, actual conversation, said another dude
• If I bring another woman into the equation, she doesn’t raise hell

So I got several more comments from the guys and long story short, what the girlfriend/wife wont do, the ‘other woman’ is very willing to do and she will vastly enjoy it.
Im not saying bring another woman into your bedroom for your man, if its something you have never discussed or suggested before, he will think it is a trick and will most probably run away or walk out and go to the bar because he thinks its one of the many tests/tricks that women come up with and all the way, he will be alternating between thinking how he has both dodged a bullet and missed the best experience of his entire life.
The above experience will not end very nicely not unless you are the other woman.

This woman is so resilient, and even though she is not the most favorite person in the world for almost everyone, and least of all the “main woman”, so starts her woes.

I have to give it to her; she is the strongest woman to take all kind of crap from men, and from women too, especially from women.

Now am really tempted to “look” at the cons of being the other woman, coz I had to stop looking at the ‘pro’s’ because there is this niggling thought in my head that is telling me how great it would be to actually be the other woman instead of trying to get into a relationship that I know I will hate with a passion, and will not really be exciting but a convenience.

Well, its just a thought, or is it?