There are so many words that you could use to describe when you don’t have any control over a situation but the only one that comes to mind is, ‘helpless’.
A little while ago, my friend lost someone that meant the world to them and when I found out, I dint know what to say, wait, I did, and I thought to myself, “I am so sorry” but what would that do to or for them?
I lost my mom 16 years ago and I was 10 years old; I thought my world had ended and I dint want anyone near me, I basically hated everyone, God was right on top of that list because my young mind dint think that it was fair of Him to take the center of my world away, I thought that He loved people and that He wouldn’t do anything to hurt people’s moms because they did all the work for Him, here on Earth, like they were His angels, but for here, not up there.
Now, am crying while I write this [and my vision is getting so blurred by tears I have to breathe and sniff just so I can go on writing] and even though it was that long ago and I accepted the way things are, I still feel like it should not be like that, coz it is so hard when you lose someone and for a while it seems as if your whole world has come to a complete stand still.
I totally get this feeling but it doesn’t mean I ever know what someone else is feeling, no, when you lose someone, it a different pain altogether , it’s a personal pain, deep inside you and nothing anyone can say could ever take it away.
So I think I think about my friend and I think of what he is going through, what his family is going through, and I can’t begin to comprehend, all I think is, I hope they are strong together and that they will take this to make them as a family and their love for each other even stronger.
Nancy Adwar, I did not know you, but I know someone who thought and still thinks the world of you; this is for you, from your friends, your family and from me, who never knew you but I love them, and in essence, that brings you into the equation:
Never a dull moment while you were around
Always had us in stitches and smiling just coz you did too
Now that you are gone, it doesn’t change, we are still smiling
Coz you live on in our hearts where it matters most
You, my dear, have gone up to Him; down here, we miss and love you still.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Of Politics...
I found out the other day that Martha has paid her taxes and since “everyone” else has been making it like a public declaration that they are doing this tremendously awesome thing that only superhuman beings could do, well, I was elated to not see it in the news but to actually hear it from someone and I was relieved that she did not make a public spectacle of it; I am a Kenyan, I have been paying my taxes and I haven't had TV crew following me and filming the whole process because it is expected of me to do this, curses to those leaders who have been making a spectacle of the process and making me want to hit them with a stick when I watch news and I see them in line waiting to pay “their taxes” *pah!*
A few months ago, some friends of mine approached me and asked about my views on what I think Kenya is or has become and If I could change it, what I would want with the current system, well, after the whole fracas of 2007/8 I hated all that the government represented and I had at some point thought of asking Jennifer Garner if she knew of any assassin school I could go to. But I digress, I gave them my two cents and they listened and asked me what I want to do about it, well, I wanted to do some pretty nasty stuff, but I dint want them thinking I was crazy, so I went with the sane answer, I wanted a fresh start, I wanted my faith in the government restored, I wanted a country I wasn't ashamed of. I rambled on [I tend to do that a lot] and finally asked what they were getting at, well, they were shooting an ad of sorts for no other than; Martha Karua, and they wanted me to say, in one word, what I wanted for my country....i thought that was impossible, but I thought, yeah, sure, lets see how this goes; so we settle on a day and I head on home
On the said day, we take a cab and we head out, let me paint you a picture: when you have been brought up on the East side of town, when you go to the other side, there is some sort of 'shock' [like culture shock, but not] and awe that there is such difference between where you are and where you are from, it even feels like the air is different!
Fenced in compounds, nice looking houses that you catch glimpses of through lush trees [where I live, there is building after, storied, building; and I live on the second floor of one of them and I don't see any trees. Ever. I want to live in a place like this, some day, I muse] Uniformed 'help' walking a child in a pram and then we get to these double gates, and I almost feel like we should have blindfolds or bags over our heads so we don't know where we are exactly, but no, we get in, nice looking compound, cobbled from the gate to the front of the house, the porch, I think its called.
To one side is a garden that is a bit raised with several steps leading to it, a bush that looks like it was deliberately placed and a nice shady tree in front of it. I want to run and roll in the grass, but I am wary, thinking of my three “C's” - cool, calm and collected, like I have my wits about my ears; again, I wish I lived here. The thing that surprised me the most was, it was not a pretentious home like those in Nigerian films, no; neither was the feel of the place overwhelming, it kind of beckoned to me, I don't know about the other guys I was with, but I wanted to walk into the house, whose door was ajar, and plonk on a seat somewhere inside.
So the director of the shoot comes out and tells us what to do, we get some dry runs in and finally, she walks out of the house, says hi to everyone, listens to the director, and I try not to stare at her. She laughs at herself when she makes a mistake and goes to change when she is asked to...the shoot goes really well.[see her face book videos]
After, we have tea and juice with fruits and pastries and then she sat down with us to have lunch, she tells us to sit at some shaded spot away from the bald spot on the grounds, she says she lets the grass grow on its own, doesn't water the lawn because its just wrong to do that and there are people who do not have water, I am impressed at how unpretentious she is!
Now you do understand, when you hear of one of the politicians, you don't really think you would be sitting down with them having a meal without first having to jump through so many hoops and having to speak to so many other people; yet there she was, across the garden table from me.
She tells us about herself and her life growing up, her first job, her first holiday, I’m amazed that she isn't trying to “sell us” into voting for her, no, she just talks like we have known her for so long, tells us of funny incidences and I look at her and I think, I would love to have such an approachable person leading our country. Someone who feels like a mother, a sister, a friend all in one, she listens when someone interjects or asks her a question and doesn't avoid answering any of them.
We laugh and joke, and finally [unfortunately] we have to leave; but I have a different view of who she is and I start doing research on her, she is as straight as they come and a single mom, and after meeting her son on that day, and hear her speak of her daughter, well, she did a pretty good job. I was raised by a single mom and I dint turn out so bad, in my books, a woman who raises her kids single handed, doesn't send them away to her mother and they turn out responsible adults, well, you have my backing coz I saw my mom do it and she is my hero.
So today I see a guy on fb write that Martha sell all her property and give the money to starving people in Wajir, am not saying this is an inane comment, but you see how I would be drawn to that conclusion, huh?
Sometimes we do not think things through, in as much as they are our leaders, they are also people, this person commenting like this, why hasn't he sold all his stuff and gone and fed people? She, Martha is in a position of power, a position which enables her to actually initiate change, I will say, have you seen what she has done in Gichugu? Coz I did and I was impressed with the advancement, sanitary, health and educational facilities are done so well.
Y'all [why did I just write that?!] know that I don't really get into political discussions, but after I met Martha Karua, I changed my mind. She is a force to reckon with because she is what all the others haven't been, she is available and ready to make a difference and I believe in her.
I remember when I was little and I loved where I lived, it was nice, clean and safe and all my neighbors were family, even though they beat me up sometimes because I did silly things like light up fireworks at their windows for laughs, it was great that I knew I was safe. I no longer feel that now and I would want to, she gave me hope for that, and I want to hold on to that hope. I am so getting up on that day and voting for her, I will lose sleep, but I will have had a hand in trying to make a change for my Kenya.
Shae went all political...im proud of me.
A few months ago, some friends of mine approached me and asked about my views on what I think Kenya is or has become and If I could change it, what I would want with the current system, well, after the whole fracas of 2007/8 I hated all that the government represented and I had at some point thought of asking Jennifer Garner if she knew of any assassin school I could go to. But I digress, I gave them my two cents and they listened and asked me what I want to do about it, well, I wanted to do some pretty nasty stuff, but I dint want them thinking I was crazy, so I went with the sane answer, I wanted a fresh start, I wanted my faith in the government restored, I wanted a country I wasn't ashamed of. I rambled on [I tend to do that a lot] and finally asked what they were getting at, well, they were shooting an ad of sorts for no other than; Martha Karua, and they wanted me to say, in one word, what I wanted for my country....i thought that was impossible, but I thought, yeah, sure, lets see how this goes; so we settle on a day and I head on home
On the said day, we take a cab and we head out, let me paint you a picture: when you have been brought up on the East side of town, when you go to the other side, there is some sort of 'shock' [like culture shock, but not] and awe that there is such difference between where you are and where you are from, it even feels like the air is different!
Fenced in compounds, nice looking houses that you catch glimpses of through lush trees [where I live, there is building after, storied, building; and I live on the second floor of one of them and I don't see any trees. Ever. I want to live in a place like this, some day, I muse] Uniformed 'help' walking a child in a pram and then we get to these double gates, and I almost feel like we should have blindfolds or bags over our heads so we don't know where we are exactly, but no, we get in, nice looking compound, cobbled from the gate to the front of the house, the porch, I think its called.
To one side is a garden that is a bit raised with several steps leading to it, a bush that looks like it was deliberately placed and a nice shady tree in front of it. I want to run and roll in the grass, but I am wary, thinking of my three “C's” - cool, calm and collected, like I have my wits about my ears; again, I wish I lived here. The thing that surprised me the most was, it was not a pretentious home like those in Nigerian films, no; neither was the feel of the place overwhelming, it kind of beckoned to me, I don't know about the other guys I was with, but I wanted to walk into the house, whose door was ajar, and plonk on a seat somewhere inside.
So the director of the shoot comes out and tells us what to do, we get some dry runs in and finally, she walks out of the house, says hi to everyone, listens to the director, and I try not to stare at her. She laughs at herself when she makes a mistake and goes to change when she is asked to...the shoot goes really well.[see her face book videos]
After, we have tea and juice with fruits and pastries and then she sat down with us to have lunch, she tells us to sit at some shaded spot away from the bald spot on the grounds, she says she lets the grass grow on its own, doesn't water the lawn because its just wrong to do that and there are people who do not have water, I am impressed at how unpretentious she is!
Now you do understand, when you hear of one of the politicians, you don't really think you would be sitting down with them having a meal without first having to jump through so many hoops and having to speak to so many other people; yet there she was, across the garden table from me.
She tells us about herself and her life growing up, her first job, her first holiday, I’m amazed that she isn't trying to “sell us” into voting for her, no, she just talks like we have known her for so long, tells us of funny incidences and I look at her and I think, I would love to have such an approachable person leading our country. Someone who feels like a mother, a sister, a friend all in one, she listens when someone interjects or asks her a question and doesn't avoid answering any of them.
We laugh and joke, and finally [unfortunately] we have to leave; but I have a different view of who she is and I start doing research on her, she is as straight as they come and a single mom, and after meeting her son on that day, and hear her speak of her daughter, well, she did a pretty good job. I was raised by a single mom and I dint turn out so bad, in my books, a woman who raises her kids single handed, doesn't send them away to her mother and they turn out responsible adults, well, you have my backing coz I saw my mom do it and she is my hero.
So today I see a guy on fb write that Martha sell all her property and give the money to starving people in Wajir, am not saying this is an inane comment, but you see how I would be drawn to that conclusion, huh?
Sometimes we do not think things through, in as much as they are our leaders, they are also people, this person commenting like this, why hasn't he sold all his stuff and gone and fed people? She, Martha is in a position of power, a position which enables her to actually initiate change, I will say, have you seen what she has done in Gichugu? Coz I did and I was impressed with the advancement, sanitary, health and educational facilities are done so well.
Y'all [why did I just write that?!] know that I don't really get into political discussions, but after I met Martha Karua, I changed my mind. She is a force to reckon with because she is what all the others haven't been, she is available and ready to make a difference and I believe in her.
I remember when I was little and I loved where I lived, it was nice, clean and safe and all my neighbors were family, even though they beat me up sometimes because I did silly things like light up fireworks at their windows for laughs, it was great that I knew I was safe. I no longer feel that now and I would want to, she gave me hope for that, and I want to hold on to that hope. I am so getting up on that day and voting for her, I will lose sleep, but I will have had a hand in trying to make a change for my Kenya.
Shae went all political...im proud of me.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Of Social Media et all
My first peek into social media was through Yahoo and I discovered yahoo chat rooms and the ever faithful messenger; needless to say, I met a lot of weirdos and since I had watched a considerable amount of telly, well, I was wary of sexual predators and of the ever looming identity thieves, though I doubt now I had much to worry about the later since I had exactly nothing but clothes to my name, and even those were debatable since my cousins pretty much owned half of them....i made some good friends from yahoo, and we'd be in the same cyber but chatting it was glorious, knowing that I could reach people all over, so I started e-mailing my cousins in the states (why do we say this?) because the time difference would not allow for much chatting and then I discovered Google mail and HI5 and then Facebook and much more recently, Twitter. (I also have a Myspace!! * hides in shame *)
So now that I have given a rundown on that, I want to get to what made me take that stroll [memory lane] I recently realized that most of the friends I have and I enjoy “spending” time with, I do not really know and I have not met but I feel like they are family, like I have known them for the longest time. In the same light, I started thinking if this is the way we are now living, I sit at a table with my friends but we find it easier to tweet that to have an actual conversation and if we do have a conversation, social media will come up, ”....so last night I was on Twitter and this guy...OMG, he has such a hot avi!”
Most of our lives is spent online and it seems, the only way you can meet people is if you do it online.
I don't know any people who have met online and became a “thing” but I know quite a few people who have met and hooked up from facebook and twitter, and by that I mean, had sex.
Is this the new dating scene? And more importantly, would you date someone you met online?
Don't get me wrong, but if you hit on me and I haven't had a decent conversation with you or “known” you for more than a month [daily conversations] then I will not give you the time of day!
Given, I am a ridiculous flirt and I WILL lead you on because sometimes I get bored and anywhere I can catch a thrill, even a cheap one, then I take it! And maybe I will even set up a date with you, but you need to know that I am very intricate with my schemes and that I am a conniving B* who will sit with you just so I can watch you get ideas [that I will help build] into your skull and then walk away, that is just me; a thrill seeker...but maybe its because I have yet to meet that one person who will impress me just as much in person as they do in cyber space because most people are brilliant online but are a total disappointment in person, they just don't measure up.
Even though “this isn't America” where we are told of oh, so many online sexual predators, there is always the risk that some sick bastard somewhere has discovered that there are so many needy people out there [and we are needy, what, with “adding/accepting/following”] and it would be like a kid in a candy store for this predator; I sure am glad Onyancha never did a cyber thing!
And now that I actually have something to my name, I am scared of identity thieves, and am still afraid that someone will try to dupe me, and not those “Nigerian Princes” who have fake ass accounts that need someone else {read, 'me'} to access them.
Cyber space is a wonderful addition to my life, I have met great minds, hilarious people and made some awesome (a few weird ones too) friends, but I am still wary of it because, the machines have really taken over...
I will be back. Asta la vista, baby. * in Schwarzenegger's voice *
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