Of Relationships and Happiness

I met this guy recently and we “clicked” and now, when I don’t want to kill him, we are inseparable. Ok. I just lied. But seriously.



Some time ago, during our more quiet meetings, we were actually grabbing lunch, I asked him why he had gotten married and he went quiet.
First, you have to understand, when I get very “familiar” with someone, no subject is taboo. So as far as I was concerned, I wasn’t crossing any lines drawn in the sand. I stared him down waiting for an answer. This is one of those things that I have great patience for.
He told me that she needed him…….




Forgive my pause. But when I actually decide that I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to your face, it had better be for a reason that I made, and that is selfish. Like: because you are the prettiest thing in the morning; or ‘coz I couldn’t imagine life without you…. Not, in all of my ‘wisdom’ would it be because of the fact that “you ‘need’ me”, oh, no!



I think at that point I either looked at him with pity or I dint pick my jaw off the table fast enough, because he had a very pained look on his face, like I was supposed to have understood his reasoning. I am a good friend. I am even great, sometimes. I will let you call me your “boy”, curves and all. But. And I tress this. Under no circumstances, save death, will I support some decisions.



I have another pal who was in a relationship that saddened him so and made us, his friends, gag at the mention of his girlfriends name. Throughout all of our friendship, we had met his girlfriend twice and it was by accident and she did not seem very pleased by it.
Maybe it’s just me, but when you are dating someone, shouldn’t you want to try and get to know his friends? Their names at least, for conversation’s sake?
It got so bad we even offered to break up with her for him because he was with her ‘coz he dint want to be the one to end the relationship, toxic as it was. [I am still of the feeling that he just dint have the balls to do it]



Well, the inevitable happened. He cheated. We encouraged it. He was happy, for crying out loud! We would have paid for a hotel room even. We also liked the new girl who knew our names and faces and she took the ribbing from us without breaking a sweat and gave back just as hard.
Toxic was dumped via text, ouch! But, surely, she must have seen it coming. We supported his [read: ‘our’] decision wholly, even helped him draft the text.



Thing is, I still do not understand why anyone would be in a relationship where they weren’t happy. Nope. I do not.
I’m happy, I make you happy. If I aint happy, well, you bet my miserable tush that I will make your world a horrible place to be in. I am just saying.



For whatever reason people get into relationships, I think they are mostly selfish and that is why they are successful to whatever level. But when one side is losing out, I start to wonder. And shake my head. And suppress the urge to go upside your head. Only if you are my friend, though. It does not befit me to go around hitting people; that is for crazies.



I like being single, for now, and apart from the fact that I do not have to answer to anyone but me, and I can flirt, guilt free; I get to be selfish [even though my puppy has taken over my life]. But as it is, I decide what guilt free reason gets to make me happy.

Someone wrote me this and i wanted to share it because they are not very verbal about themselves and this way, i kinda get them to share a part of themselves with my little world.... OPEN WORDS The best way to bring the words home, It takes a heart and a poem, With you I find it hard to get good with the words, Trying to detail what I feel inside without sounding absurd, Now I put my mind away and let my heart take control, Not sharing the feeling I’m giving it whole, Lose the ego and hide the pride, Cut myself open and let you see what lies inside, Now losing my energy slowly getting weak, The words fly away and now I can’t speak, A moment I’ve had to re-live, Took from me a part I had sworn to never give, Now everything has changed, So close yet always so out of range, Just the thoughts keep warm when you’re gone, Same thoughts will eventually get me torn, A sad turn out of events, They say it will be hard to prevent, What do they know anyway? I’ve learnt to not listen to what many say, I don’t hold anyone but me responsible, Times like this I put my faith in the impossible, Makes it easier for me to live the while, The only way I could genuinely smile. For Shae

Of sex and not being boring while at it

The other day I was talking to my neighbor because I was bored and she chose to interrupt my time in the sun and I couldn’t pull one of those “run-away-screaming” episodes [I don’t think being called “the crazy lady on the third” suits me] and mostly because I dint have the strength or inclination to go up three flights of stairs to get to my apartment. Well, she was nice enough not to point out that my hair was all mussed up and she sat down close enough for me to hear her and far away enough to respect my personal space [so what?! I have slight agoraphobia!]

We talked, well, she talked, and I listened, about my neighbors, who I have been successful in avoiding thus far and she just had to ruin it for me. At some point she started talking about how the person who lives in the adjoining block was noisy in bed at night and she dint mean that he snored. Needless to say, she had my full attention and I turned and really listened, at least until she went back to boring stuff like asking me about myself and I had [I really dint have to] to excuse myself and leave the sun and go back indoors; neighbors!!

So, this neighbor[the noisy one], apparently, liked to tell his partner [I do not know what to call her because I already used ‘Chrystal’ and 'Brandy' sounded like it didn’t suit her in my head] to look at herself while they were at it [it is virtually impossible to write or talk about sex without sounding rude or dirty; even saying ‘dirty’ sounds dirty]. I digress, so I’m thinking, I’m a very graphical person, that they have a mirror or mirrors up in their bedroom and making the woman/girl look at them and at her face while he was on [I really mean ‘in’] her got him off. I almost clapped my hands in glee [but I dint] at the thought that they or he had discovered what made him tick and they were not afraid to do it [see? That sounded dirty too!]

Most of you will agree with me that they have fantasies that they would like to act out and the rest who say that they don’t are just lying and just so we are clear; if your fantasies involve little kids or animals, you need help and you need to turn yourself in to the police [I’m serious!]

About these fantasies, I looked it up [I was bored, and intrigued at the same time] and apparently, its normal, I just heard the sighs of relief, you can thank me later; and it would seriously help liven up your sex life if you indulged yourselves.

My neighbor likes making his girl look at herself while they are having sex, so I’m guessing he likes domination, for the woman to acknowledge that he is in power at least over her and the woman liked being dominated. It could also mean that they are voyeurs and like to watch other people at it and they make the best of their situation by using mirrors which give the illusion of them watching other people in the room. They could also be exhibitionists and again, the mirrors provide the illusion of them being watched by other people or they could be facing the windows and imagining that someone out there is watching them.

I read a lot about fantasies and how to indulge in a safe way, like using windows that you could see out of but no one could see into; or using scarves to tie each other up. The main point being that you would be acting out your fantasy without the scare factor or possible prosecution for indecent public displays and you are, most importantly, safe. If you get the urge to reach out to kids or animals, you have no business reading this, you need supervision; preferably behind bars!

Sex can get boring and with the vital part that it plays in a relationship, it being a non-verbal form of communication, we need to keep the spark alive. Indulge yourself today, start the New Year with it; and like Salt ‘n’ Pepper sung, “Let’s talk about sex ….. Let’s talk about you and me…” and in 2012, have a wonderful time.

Happy New Year guys.

I love y’all.

Shae

Of traffic jams and strangers in buses

I moved house and true to Shae’s style, it was further away and towards Mombasa….. Syo Kimau.

The traffic on Mombasa road is usually horrible so I leave home mid- morning so I can avoid it and on this day I was feeling really good about the day; the sun was just so and my mood was good as I walked to the highway to catch a bus into town. In I go and take a seat next to the window and settle in with my ever present book and I think I saw someone I might know so I turned my head and smiled and got back to reading. From the corner of my eye I see movement and this guy comes and seats himself next to me. I smile again and pointedly stare at my book.

I try to think where I know him from but for the life of me, I cant remember!
This guy nudges me and I look at him, remove one of my earphones and not completely set it down to signal that I would hear him out and get back to what I was doing; but as luck would have it, it wasn’t to be.
He told me his name was George and [it still dint come to me where I knew him from] that it had been a minute which I took to mean, since I saw him across the aisle and waved; it wasn’t.
I told him I was Anne and he said, “I know”. I don’t know how he knew me but he did and he went on to tell me how his sister was married to a “stupid” man and how his mom would love to see me again [did I mention that I do not remember who the hell he was?]

I looked out the window and, what do you know?! There is a nasty snarl up and I have to endure the company of George. I ask him what he does for a living and I hope he would say that he doesn’t have any work so that our “conversation” would be deemed useless and he would keep quiet so I could go back to my book but he says something that I dint get because I was already mentally back to reading. I went like, “huh?”
But George wouldn’t let up and he said,
“Its complicated”
I did a jig in my head thinking that even if he were a hair dresser and he used chemistry and physics to make some poor lady’s hair, I couldn’t care less. He dint let me be happy for long because he went into a litany of big words about his work, which, let me mention, I never did get to know.
Have you ever met one of those people who say that something is too complicated to explain and then still go ahead and do so using big words? Well that is what George was doing and at this point, it was like yelling to a deaf person.

I wanted to yell,
“I don’t know you! I swear I don’t!”
“I ate garlic bread and I can’t hold my breath any longer!”
“I am mad and I may just start beating you!”

I had already dismissed all semblance of nicety and I wasn’t nodding and grunting at the right places. I stared pointedly at George and I knew all the zits on his face but this guy just dint get it!
I looked out the window and I was fast considering either running out of the bus screaming or getting off before my stop and footing it to town.

Bull by the horns and I said,
“hey, I need to make a phone call”
What the hell was that?! I wanted to say,
“shut up! I don’t know you and I hear it ain’t smart to talk to strangers!”
And then I say I want to make a phone call?! Ok, I was losing myself.
I had to call someone….
”hello Sandra….Ok, call me back”
She was in a meeting!
I left my ear phones in my ears and started bobbing my head and pretending that he wasn’t there.

We finally got to town and I got off and walked fast not looking behind me and it was a shame that someone has pushed me to running from them but it was scary!
CURSE traffic jams!! I need a car!

Feeling

I hurt myself today again
Just to see if i could still feel
I tried to focus on just the pain
It’s the only thing that seems real
You are gone from me my love
And i do not think you are coming back
My sanity is the only thing i have
And that also is a fate so dark
I should have known what was around the bend
Everyone i love goes away in the end