For matatus, real men and the not so real ones

Yesterday missy, here was heading home after a long-ish day that wasn’t so nice, who am I kidding?! It was a terrible day!!



I head to the stage, which is basically the place that the matatus have decided they will stand, heckle, cat call, bang on the cars, and basically cause as much commotion as they can till you get in just so they can shut up! Funny though, we always get into the ones that have the loudest idiot who is trying to grab you and half drag you into the matatu tsk tsk!



In the matatu that station, I think its called 1FM is playing some Freshly Ground and am singing softly along, though I think I wasn’t really soft at all; but you know what I mean.



The car fills up and off we go with the driver flooring it like he stole it! I don’t know if it is supposed to be on their resume but they are such terrible mannered people on the road! Am grateful for the traffic build up because at least that stems his “enthusiasm” and we go at a more comfortable speed.

The guy seated next to me is fidgety and he is looking at me funny, so I put both my fones in my bag, give him a very long and meaningful look and then hold on to that bag as if my life depended on it.



I have this thing, you know, having grown up in Eastleigh and all, that if I have any suspicions about your intentions with me or my property, I show you I have noticed and I would not let you carry out your hare brained intentions which basically mean, “snatch and run” which in the case of the bulky man seated next to me was almost funny seeing as he couldn’t run from inside a moving matatu.



I sing on and we are finally on Uhuru Highway, the traffic here is scant and he is racing imaginary cars, the music hides the fact that I am terrified that the driver will kill us, and my brain goes on this path where am thinking what would happen if I actually died, here, you expect to hear that I regret not telling my siz that I love her and all that mushy stuff, but no, am thinking, those little do-nut thingies I bought, I dint finish them, and that someone will be wearing my shoes!!!(Shudder! shudder!) and that all I have worked for so far I will not have anymore, and that he will be miserable for a little while and then get over me and move on with another one….”I think I would haunt her”

Yeah, am selfish like that, but at least I have the “balls” to admit it! Yes you, you judgmental little person (hehe)



So we get to that stretch before General Motors on Mombasa Road and the car is suddenly going (I almost typed “gowing”!!) very slow, and I think maybe he has a conscience after all, a heart while we are at it!

The rise after General Motors and he “parks” the car on the curb!! So he has the music on really loud and the “Kange” goes to the front to talk to him; turns out, he doesn’t have fuel in the car, and am thinking, “what a dumb-ass move!”

This guy gets out and asks the rest of the guys to get out and help push, and they do, amazing how guys have this thing about “group work” going on, they stand up for each other when we ask them about the whereabouts of “our men” too!

The man I mentioned before actually lets the one on the other end pass and he lets his fellow men push while he sits and looks out the window! I give him another meaningful look but he is not moved, he just returns the stare.

Well, we are pushed and since am done with my morbid thoughts from before, I call the lady who does my laundry and scold her for not coming through and then I listen to the guys outside, they actually seem to be having fun and I consider joining them outside, but I have heels on and Steve Madden would have a heart attack if I pushed the car with my shoes on.



The guys are cracking jokes and generally having fun heckling the driver about his misconduct which they take very lightly unlike the woman seated there near the door.

We get to the “mteremko” and all the guys jump back in and we “free” to the petrol station. Here, the afore mentioned woman calls her friend and bitches about the “horrific” situation she has just been in, women, sometimes, you embarrass the rest of us, nkt!! We were all in it, you did not get asked to push the car, you weren’t hurt and nothing came of the whole “horrifying” situation so instead of bad mouthing the people who helped, shut up and look at it as an adventure, savvy?



Because of the whole situation, I had to walk a little longer to get home, but hey, who is complaining? I had fun, and I learnt that not all people who wear pants are men, only those who get out to push the car are real men, hehe.



So to all the real men out there, thank you for being you.