My Addiction.

Ok, I wouldn’t exactly call it that, but it came from someone who means a lot to me and they think that this will actually help me with my real addiction that is slowly threatening to take me over the edge and the fall doesn’t promise to be anything nice; more like a big SPLAT!!!

So I have this addiction, which from now, and the duration of this, my here, writing, will be referred to as my nasty habit. (I even ‘bolded’ it!)

Well, this habit of mine has proven to be a reprieve of sorts, a release for my pent up emotions, just so you know, oh, dear reader, I will not reveal what it is later on, no, I will just mention it using the fore mentioned two words, nasty habit; I know, I know, its vastly irritating.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, this nasty habit of mine has become my channeling point for so many issues; I don’t trust easy, so it would be hard for me to actually tell someone, anyone and my shrink is getting too bloody expensive.

So I think if I write I will get my nasty habit to reduce to an indulgence, which I can revisit ever so often when I want to, not when I need to like I do now.

I write thus far and then I need to step out and go see a client (don’t laugh, I’m serious, that is what I went to do!! Not “indulge”) and when I get back, I have this feeling that I need to just ‘get it all out’ so I try and talk to my colleague, who is also a friend, but I cant get any relief, so I come back to my desk and continue to write.

I am not looking to write anything specific, just to get what I feel into a semblance of order.

I feel deprived, coiled up, empty and a whole lot more, but you get the general drift, but as much as I try to, I cannot, I think I will just not admit to myself that I actually feel this way, I will live in the total bliss that is naïveté….

But for real, when I think about it, it comes with the feeling that I have failed myself in some sort of way, and the only way to make it go away, is, wait for it….. “My nasty habit”. So I feel I should indulge, but then my friends voice is in my ear telling me it isn’t worth it, that I could do something better…

I’m sure we all have some sort of addiction, as small as it may seem; shopping, chocolate…anything really, but everything has its consequences, and if you [and i] know what’s good for us, we will stem it and deal with the problem/issue.

Call me when you solve yours, I might need a few pointers.